"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Say something about gay babies.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
