His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
