I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
