I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
