he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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