Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
