just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
