I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
