if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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