My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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