Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
