What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i drank out of a bidet.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
