we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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