He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
