My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
