her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
