Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
