its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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