Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
