I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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