No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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