Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
