At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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