Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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