Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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