there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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