my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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