every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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