sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
