is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
