And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
