she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
