you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
