OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
