after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
