Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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