he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
what day is it and did you see me today?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
