as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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