walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
