It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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