Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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