Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
