so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
As shirtless as possible
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
