Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
