So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
