i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
