I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
whose parrot is this?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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