the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
