Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
