WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
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