I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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