doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
