You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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