awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
