Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
