he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
